Breathing

I hope after yesterday's blog that you don't think that I've totally lost my mind and am on the edge of crazy because I'm continuing from where I left off because I want you to understand what I really mean by this internal difference and the fact that I feel like I'm finally living.  When I say I have purpose in my life, it's not about doing a specific thing but the fact that by doing it, I can connect with God.

My living, my breathing is exactly the opposite of me going through the motions of life and feeling like I'm holding my breath waiting for life to happen (which I would say about myself before last year).  Ladies, you will relate to this better than the guys out there.  It's like those specials days in life where you get all dolled up.  You know, though the guys probably don't, that there is amazing underwear holding you all together underneath your beautiful gown.  You can't eat what you want because your underwear and dress won't allow it - there is no room for expansion.  When the evening, as great as it was, is finally over, you get to undress and finally breath again.  Everything that's been holding you in (and back in life) can finally let go and you can actually fill your lungs with air and take a deep breath - THAT'S the kind of breathing and living that I'm talking about!  A breath from my depths that allows me to go out, even if I'm tired and don't think I can do it any more, because I will meet God through people and experiences because I'm really living now.  I have always expected to meet God in the usual places like church.  So when I encounter Him through my tears at the end of a human trafficking presentation, I know that I am changed from what I used to be.  It doesn't matter that it was a busy week and that it was a lot of time & gas to drive - I met God there.

I have also been reading Jim Palmer's book "Wide Open Spaces" and I want to share a few quotes, because they resonate with me (and he's got much better English than I do - as you've experienced this week!).
"In my heart I come upon places where fears and old wounds keep me from being fully alive to all of life."  (p. 104)
"The things you love doing, what you are most passionate about, are the most significant avenues through which God wants you to know him."  (p. 109)
"I don't want to play dead in a world that God wired to help me fulfill my purpose of knowing him."  (p. 112)
"Connecting with the world through your heart makes you vulnerable. . .But then there are also those moments that remind you how thankful you are that you're not playing dead."  (p. 199)

"You've trusted Jesus with your life, now live that life in Him.  Inhaling Him.  Exhaling Him. . ."

~Matthew 5:3 paraphrase